because simon and i are really good at both these things

i am currently doing random assistant editor, bitchwork things for someone's non-profit documentary. i've worked on a couple of these and they're usually about kids in the inner city trying not to get gang-raped and mourning the loss of multiple immediate family members. they're depressing. but the today's documentary is a ray of hope in the gray inner city skies. to keep kids off the street, build self esteem, and promote academics, this program combines (drumroll please) MATH and (i can't believe i'm typing this) BASKET WEAVING. now simon and i happen excel in both these subjects. there's not much to do in the deep suburban wilderness we call home, so one dull vacation day we cleaned under the bunkbeds and lo and behold, found a basket weaving kit! it was perfect. very genesee country museum meets anne of green gables. it practically screamed "weave me"... and we all know, if you weave it they will come... so we wove it. damn fine basket. we filled it with something basket-worthy... like cookies... or peanut butter cups. and as soon as we finished it i can remember sitting down and saying "lets do math, because after i make a basket, that's all i can wrap my brain around". those were the finest quadratic equations i've ever completed. it makes sense for kids in rural america to combine basket weaving and arithmetic. our parents like things like that- decorate the house AND ensure ivy-league acceptance. win win. but really, i can't see why your average inner-city child needs a set of wicker... well... anything. i'm sitting here listening to them sing "i believe i can weave" to the tune of r. kelly's "i believe i can fly". i can just see these children being held at gunpoint in a 7-11 crying and mumbling the only comforting song they know-- and it's about basket weaving-- and it's smarmy. only in la.