Ah, Memories

At long last, I have gotten a new phone. But now is not the time to talk about that. First I must eulogize my old phone. My old phone and I have been through many things together. There was that period where I could only take calls standing in a certain spot next to my chair. Not in the chair, of course, but next to the chair. There was that period where I would get cut off four times during one conversation. There was that period where I had to charge it daily, when I wasn't even using it, because its battery ran down at three times the speed of a normal phone. Happy times!

I feel like there should be a genre of jokes like the "yo momma so fat" jokes, except instead it would be like, "yo phone so old . . . it has an antenna." Yo phone so old, it only has eighteen buttons. Yo phone so old, it has buttons. Yo phone so old, you can't type parentheses on it. Yo phone so old, you can cover its whole screen with your thumb. Yo phone so old, it folds out. Yo phone so old, it can't take pictures. Yo phone so old, it doesn't have a calendar. Yo phone so old, it can't play music. Yo phone so old, you wait to answer it on three rings because you can't be sure it isn't a party line.

My phone is really old. My phone is so old I couldn't get my contacts and old texts off it, so I had to take pictures of the good ones.

This is like practically my first text ever. Sent to me by my boss. While I was sitting next to her. While we were manning the booth at the medieval conference at Kalamazoo.

This was followed by "Bill O'Reilly waxes his legs," which is almost certainly not true, and moreover not our business if it is, but we were really, really bored. Hence this text from Matt during that conference: "Personality assignment of the hour: Ann Coulter, drunk, and convinced she has a parrot on her shoulder."

Others that amuse me, and probably only me, include:

From Ivan: New favorite word for fin-footed mammals: pinnipeds. Second only to “dugongs” in awesomeness.

Also from Ivan: It’s all fun and games til someone drops their pants in the fire.

Also also from Ivan: We’ll just shave a normal cake. It will be fantastic.

From Matt: Gatie. Hdjekn. I aqe upridemfnxd. Ru are akso sassz. Pleare enej kibke ne   jtj!? <3Matt

Also from Matt: Was Ingrid Dutch? I can’t remember . . . (This really is only funny to me. But I find it hilarious.)

From Katie P, who never texts me, but felt it was important that I know who she was sitting across from on the train: Dark hair, olive skin, super light eyes, and no smart phone.

And this one, from Dan, who was standing outside my door at the time:

Goodbye, phone. You have served me well. Sort of.