Simon and Ivan

Narrator: The book never got off the ground, the movie deal fell through, the morning talk show got cancelled, and the cooking show was never picked up. Even those with scandalously bad taste and no sense of distinction failed to encourage the production of an opera. Thus Simon and Ivan, or Ivan and Simon as the case may be, have been forced to enter the seedy world of do-it-yourself stardom and its modern incarnation: the Internet. Oh so much seedier than an independent press and oh so much easier. It is through this strange, intangible medium that they shall relate their adventures. By "adventures" I mean "inconveniences," which is, it must be pointed out, more or less synonymous with "daily life." For documentation, please see the works of the revered Douglas Adams, or just think back to how your morning went. However, in other contexts, "adventures" may also be defined as, "a good day," "a day that was actually interesting," "a day Vikings overran the east coast and taught one or the other of our subjects how to hypothetically braid a beard," OR "a day that is so dull that our subjects must invent hyperbolous not to mention wildly inaccurate stories about Vikings overrunning the east coast and teaching them to braid beards--everyone knows that Vikings are unlikely to stop mid-pillage to lead an educational session on personal style, though goodness knows that if they did, it would be an unmitigated success." Incidentally, Vikings could have made great back-up dancers in the aforementioned opera.

None of the above explains why the title of this blog is in possibly incorrect French and involves two hedgehogs. So as not to leave loose ends I would like to state unconditionally that none of the below will provide any illumination on this matter whatsoever, either.

I may make further clarifying appearances later on, but in the meantime I hereby turn operational control back to Ivan and Simon--or Simon and Ivan, as the case may be.