Tuesday, October 30, 2007

hedgehogs rejoice!

for it is the day we celebrate the birth of Simon! Happy 25th, Simon! Many fantastic returns of the day.

Were I living a bit closer, I would treat you to a meal much like this one...

but perhaps with better booze than a sparkletini...

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Someone who would probably appreciate a plant named Hugh

a coworker walks into my bay in plugs in a fire wire drive. it shows up on the desktop with the name "Tree".
Ivan: do you name all your drives with a nature theme?
Coworker: No, I like to name them after simple things that I enjoy. I have one named "Ring" and one named "King" and
Ivan: let me stop you right there-- do you name all your drives after vague Lord of the Rings references?
Coworker: (laughs) not always-- I used to have one named Warp Drive and
Ivan: let me stop you again, because I need a moment to contemplate the AWESOMENESS of that statement.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Theory of Wedding Updo Relativity

It took two hours to put these in my hair, but I was drinking champagne at the time, so it seemed more like twenty minutes. However, while it only took twenty minutes to take them all out again, it seemed a lot more like two hours because at the time I was stumbling with exhaustion and suffering from formal-dress oxygen deprivation, which is a proven medical condition. This is the wedding updo theory of relativity: the amount of time it appears to take to have your hair done when you have not yet eaten too much, walked around in heels too much, or gotten too nervous about delivering your toast in front of a roomful of people without throwing up on the bride, is inversely related to the amount of time it SEEMS to take to remove all the bobby pins at the end of the night when you are suffering physically in a lot of ways Spanish inquisitors never even thought of. Then add thirty minutes, which is how long it takes to wash an entire bottle of hairspray out of your hair. Then forget about your hair completely and just go to sleep for Pete's sake.

Thursday, October 11, 2007



Person 1: So it's your half-birthday.
Person 2: Yeah.
Person 1: Front half or back half?
Person 3: Just say yes.
Person 2: Only because it's Tuesday.
Person 3: It's not raining; it's Thursday.
Person 2: I'm walking away.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007


You know a package has promise when someone tapes this to the front:

and it did not disappoint! I could certainly kill someone with the genuine PEI Lobster fork (made in China!) wrapped inside that striped paper. But rather than inspiring me to stab someone, this lobster fork serves as a reminder of what I like to call "The Best Meal in the History of Meals" or "The New Glasgow Lobster Supper". Oh, to be back on Prince Edward Island where the mussels are a plenty and the seafood chowder is unlimited...

I have no photos of this event as the only person not drunk on clarified butter was Simon and she has not released them to the public (most likely because I am coated in grease and seafood refuge with a crazed look in my eye), but I wanted to say thank you to Simon, for the glorious reminder of "The Best Meal in the History of Meals" ...and for the murder weapon.