Monday, November 29, 2004

Camel and Llama Differentiation League

A week or so ago I changed my buddy icon to a camel. This received some positive responses...

Christi: I like the camel icon.
Christine: hee. camel.
Megan: i LOVE the CAMEL

...a moderate respose...

Matt: What's with the camel?

...some confused responses...

Christina: Is your buddy icon a llama?
Lindsey: I think you should blog about the camel icon because I want to know what's up with that. I don't know what kind of crack addict would think it was a llama.

...and a Justin* response:

Justin: What the hell is your buddy icon? A demented camel?

If you would all be so obliging as to refer to the illustrations below, a camel, as you can see, has a prominent nose, long eyelashes, eyes spread far apart, and funny ears, as opposed to a llama, which has a prominent nose, long eyelashes, eyes spread far apart, and funny ears. The differences are obvious. Camels are camels and llamas are llamas because camels are camels and llamas are llamas. Attempts to refute this watertight logic will be met with hostility from the Camel and Llama Differentiation League, which I have just created, and--as the sole member with voting rights--of which I have just installed myself as Grand Vizier. The Camel and Llama Differentiation League would like to stress that camels and llamas just are, and there isn't a damn thing you can do.

I also serve as President, Treasurer, Bo's'un, and Ship's Girl of the Pirate and Viking Differentiation League, and would like to stress on behalf of this entirely separate organization, of which I am also the sole member, that my previous buddy icon was a Viking longboat, not a pirate ship. The difference is that they are both seagoing vessels carrying marauders who use the elements of surprise and terror to misappropriate goods such as gold, gold, and gold.

Let's try to keep it straight, folks. These are important distinctions.

*The only reason "Justin" isn't listed as an adjective in the Oxford English Dictionary is because the people working for the OED haven't met him. This applies to a number of other people that I know, as well.

Llama, lama, Llama: LLAMA. Posted by Hello

Camello; chameau; kamel: CAMEL. Posted by Hello

Friday, November 19, 2004

brought to you by the lingering effects of red bull, diet coke and multiple lattes

i have been sleeping about four hours a night. i wake up, walk dog, go to internships, go to class, come back to film garden to work, and go home around 3am. i have been living on caffiene and sugar. i slept through half of class yesterday... class is at 4 in the afternoon. i am very tired. i have switched from single shot espresso drinks to triple. i closely resemble a dead person. thank god i am going home tomorrow. seeing duncan will restore me to a human state. i cannot wait for nasty weather and friends. who needs the OC when you have the ROC. see you tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Brought to you by the lingering effects of NyQuil

It may have come to your attention that I have recently had a cold. Ways in which this may have come to your attention include (1) me complaining about it, and (2) me singing Beach Boys songs to you in a feverish delusion. We can all agree the second is more fun, because I can be teased about that for weeks and months to come.

Despite its recent failure, however, I would like to point out that my immune system is actually amazing. I take this cold as an example because the sniffly-stuffly part took a whole of an hour and a half to get over and done with, and I woke up this morning happy as a clam. Happy as a clam with the tail end of a disease and a research paper due next Wednesday, anyway. And all that was required of me was to spend a few days watching Monty Python's Flying Circus and West Wing reruns. That's not a cold. That's a vacation.

What they (by which I mean Aaron Sorkin) say about the Secret Service is also true of my immune system: it only gets attention when it screws up. Doesn't really seem fair in either case. Huzzah for my immune system! Huzzah for the Secret Service! And huzzah for television and Yorkshire tea, because we all know neither immune systems nor the Secret Service could get along without them.

P.S. And so the cold doesn't feel left out, I quote Monty Python in its honor: "We interrupt this program to annoy you and make things generally irritating." Colds would be a solid voting block if the BBC ever ran for President.

Monday, November 15, 2004

the reality of my reality television experience

film garden is working on a new show called "popularity contest" for CMT. Technically I am not allowed to tell you about "popularity contest" as everyone in the company including the cleaning staff was forced to sign a confidentiality agreement... but, being the lowly intern, I was overlooked when the confidentiality nazi's came a knockin, so i can actually tell you all about the show without any consequences- this includes paying the 3 million dollar fine (mtv does not mess around when it comes to bad reality television). I really can't tell you what the show is about though... i think i've labeled about 600 tapes and they all have titles like "debra sue practices for the hog calling contest but can only find a goat". of course my new job as "dub rack wench" (i copy tapes), affords me the opportunity to watch all 1,200 hours of the soon to be seven hour series... maybe i will tune in for the goat calling contest and tell you how it goes...

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Latin, and a Response

Over the summer, when I asked my father where his old Latin books were so that I could look at them in preparation for beginning Latin 105 in the fall (mock me and I will hit you), he responded with, "AMO AMAS AMAT AMAMUS AMATIS AMANT!"

This is the present indicative active of the first-conjugation verb AMARE, "to love." Apparently it is ingrained in the mind of former Latin students everywhere, because when I told my sister the other day that I had to go study Latin, she said, "AMO AMAS AMAT AMAMUS AMATIS AMANT!" like I was some kind of Latin Drill Seargant.

I admit that Latin is a strange and dangerous world, but goodness. The only imperatives I know are "Praise!", "Warn!", "Give!" and "Teach!" That doesn't even come close to, "Down and give me fifty! And then, wage war on the Peloponnesians!"

And a side note from The Narrator in regard to the Narrator's latest entry:
1) "upon the production of candy" there meant, "candy must be turned over, in whatever form." Said candy does not need to be home-made. In fact, in light of my experiences with home-made candy, I hereby rule that it should be store-bought.

2) Yes, Simon and Ivan both require the candy. They have different tastes and these should be inquired after before the deal is made, in order to avoid a misunderstanding with gruesome results.

3) The turnaround between receival of candy to mailing of pamphlet is somewhere between three weeks and never.

4) The pamphlet, were one to be produced (which here means "made from scratch") will be a joint creation.

5) Whether this is a well-rehearsed goose-chase is something--which, incidentally, reminds me of a pantomime I saw in York last January, which featured a very diverting short film of a man dressed as a woman chasing a man dressed in a large goose costume and dog ears around the most recognizable portions of that great and dignified city of York, which, if I could get my hands on it, I would watch once daily and twice on Sundays. I hope I have answered your question.