Sunday, May 29, 2005

skill sets

in an attempt to actually enjoy my days in los angeles (i know, "enjoy" and "los angeles" in the same sentence... blasphemy) i've been hiking. the hiking is great and enjoyable and we've actually discovered several unpaved, smog-free sections of this wretched city, but hiking here is nothing like hiking at home. for one, i have not found any toxic waste and two, at home i hike with someone tiny. simon is five foot something and her parents bound her feet so they are small too... this is not the case in california. here, due to my fear of falling into a ravine and missing so much work i can't pay my rent, i have been hiking with Very Tall Person*. very tall people are fine and all but they don't seem to understand that not everyone shares their vertical advantage. when simon and i went on hikes, she would remember branches that hit her in the face and hold the offending twigs till i could take over. Very Tall Person forgets, and all the branches that hit him in the shoulder whip back and hit me square between the eyes. this makes hiking a very edgy, hardcore activity where i have to focus on not falling into a ravine AND not losing an eye. also, Very Tall Person does not understand my leg span is not that of a pro basketball player. if there's a river to jump across, i will probably not make it to the cut off rock and just end up soaking wet. at home, simon would be rational and suggest we walk AROUND the body of water. but i suppose twig dodging and river leaping are skills i need living in this city... twig dodging... just like dodging bullets on the freeway... river leaping... will come in handy that day i finally snap in traffic and start jumping on the tops of cars. thank you Very Tall Person, for preparing me for a whole new level of los angeles enjoyment.

*previously known as intern, tape librarian formerly known as intern, graveyard ae, bagel bringer and that kid who refused to buy the keg


The Anonymous Hedgehog said...

For what is probably not the last time, nobody in my family binds their feet!

Anonymous said...

In my own defense, Very Short Person (Lindsey) was more than capable in making every jump from rock to rock as we made our way up the specific river that she is talking about. Granted it may have been quite funny to see her have to jump too far, miss, and take a quick swim, but i'm not mean like that. (only like 5.7% or so)

As to the branches wipping in the face she said she 'was just giving me shit'. That sounds like verbal abuse. Ouch! I'm not sure I have to take that.

Finally, life lessons are always good to learn. Am I right or am I right?

Enough evidence to clear my (very long) name? I for one believe so.

-Very Tall Person

Matthew said...

I would just like to note how very amused I am, ever time, at Very Tall Person / Itern's responses.
Not nearly as amused as I am by Simon's posts about the incident in the first place. But still amused that Person Formally Known As Tape Intern DOES respond. :P