Thursday, September 22, 2005


I really want to blog, but every time i read a simon/.M post all i really want to do is cry. While they are discussing goats and wolves of roman times and proper conjugation of latin insults I am watching raw reality footage with the sole direction "he yells some quotes from mommy dearest. they're very funny. you'll find them." my life only resembles Simon's in that my BRAIN is the consistency of marshmallow fluff. i am what's wrong with society. i try to give back, but it's difficult when eight hours of my day are devoted to voyeuristic couples therapy, house cleaning and property rehabilitation and another eight are spent watching pandas trying to mate, while over-involved zoo keepers scream "PLEASE, JUST COPULATE!".

I did rescue a cat yesterday. and it was an ugly cat so i deserve double positive karma. and right after the heinous cat encounter, i ran by a carnival in the park. and i was like "oh! carnival across the street from my house! cute... why they didn't they advertise?" and then it dawned on me that FOX studios had constructed a fake carnival in the park just to torture real, tax-paying community members. this was probably my actual karma coming to pass because i didn't save the ugly cat per se, i just herded it back onto the sidewalk. so i tacked two more miles onto my run to make sure the cat was ok. (alright, i was just thinking about the carnival... that maybe if i saved the cat the carnival would be real and then- COTTON CANDY FOR EVERYONE!) so i ran and ran, but the cat must have either been hit by a car or found its way back home because it was gone. so i finished my loop and when i got back to the carnival, the gods smiled and said "she has a good heart, she ran two extra miles just to check on an ugly cat" and there was a flash of light and the carnival revealed itself to be THE SET OF ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT. and Portia de Rossi turned and i did a double take and almost fell flat on my face because really, she has the best hair on the planet. and that is the thrilling account of all 45 of my free minutes this week. now, if you'll excuse me, i must attend to the panda footage, the bears on the verge of successful copulation and the zoo keepers are getting rowdy.

1 comment:

Matthew said...

DAMMIT to the carnival being fake all along. Cotton candy is tasty. But good job with the cat. ;)