Monday, October 17, 2005

Justifications For a Promising Future in Homicidal Mania

-I drove to my aunt's house for the 800th time since moving to LA this weekend and for the 799th time got on the 10 West instead of the 10 East only realizing my error upon that critical "point of no return", where going the direction I meant to go would cause a 500 car pile up. Since I have made this mistake 799 times, I have spend a total of 600 more hours in the car than necessary.
-I arrived at said aunt's house at an hour only suitable for sleeping so I decided to wash my face. While attempting to remove the only cleanser in my eleven-year-old cousin's bathroom, a foaming bubble-gum scented hand soap, from my eyes, I slammed my forehead (with an impressive amount of force) into the faucet. I now have a severe headache and a bruise in the middle of my forehead. The headache may be from the injury or from the bubble gum scent. I will keep you posted.
-The job I quit because I was going insane hired someone else and when they realized the new employee was incompetent, they called me to do the actual work. new employee is now my assistant. I was proud for .02 seconds until I saw his timecard and realized they pay him 25% more than me to do my bitch-work.
-I keep having dreams where an ex-boyfriend returns to collect the futon he left at my apartment. I'm not sure what my subconscious fears more- the loss of the futon or confrontation with the ex.
-My hour of Sunday escapism, Grey's Anatomy, was interrupted eight times with a ticker proclaiming "RAIN!!! IT'S GOING TO RAIN!!! YOU MIGHT NEVER MAKE IT TO WORK AGAIN!!! TRAFFIC WILL STOP!!! RAIN RAIN RRRRAAAAIIIINNNNN" get over yourself, Southern California.
-I'm trying to turn myself into a morning person so I set my alarm for 6:45 every morning and every morning, instead of running, I go back to sleep and wake up with 37 seconds to get dressed, brush my teeth, eat half a handful of peanut butter m&ms for breakfast and leave for work. Things are not going well.
-NARGH!

1 comment:

Simon said...

I believe in you, Ivan! You will make a super homicidal maniac!