Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Christening



This is my car. It suffered four months without a name. But it suffers no longer. Now I suffer, having discovered the mischevious spirit that lurks within its innocent, shiny white exterior. This car longs for one thing and one thing only. Mud. Not the fine coating of grit that every car develops in the winter, as if it hasn't shaved for three days. This car wants to wallow. It wants to sit in a mudhole and flap. It wants to dig with its snout in the saturated earth, and it wants to roll over, and it wants to wiggle its wheels in the air as it coats itself in mud. And it takes every opportunity it sees to do this. I could have named it Questionable Turning Radius, or Needs Better Treads on Wheels, or Thank Goodness Its Small Enough to Push Out of Holes, but those are obviously too cumbersome to shout when its back tires start gleefully spinning mud up, over, and onto the windshield. And they do not do enough to implicitly absolve me of any part I may have had in the escapades to which I refer. So I name it, with affection, Pig, and please forgive me if instead of breaking champagne I pour a bottle of Mr Clean over its hood.

6 comments:

Ivan said...

it looks beautiful and clean there... sidenote: if you're taking your own advice, the advice you gave me, the "just drive the car over the muddy lawn, you could do doughnuts on there and my parents wouldn't care" advice... well, that's probably the problem.

Simon said...

it was Pig's fault. also the ground may have thawed.

Matthew said...

If my car could do tricks, it'd lie on it's back and waggle it's wheels too.

All shall now bow down before your car.

Anonymous said...

do you go off-roading with this car? cause i've never known a car to love mud so much. i think the choice of name is an excellent discriptor of the car, and i'm also enthralled to know that matt will now be bowing down before something else. :P

Adam said...

What if I want to wallow in mud too? It sounds vastly enjoyable.

Simon said...

You and Pig can hang out if you want, but only if you hose down after the wallowing.