Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Hugh

I bought Hugh last Friday and at the time he was a very handsome Cyclamen plant. Long straight flowers pointing toward the sky, deep leaves of green, a complex root system. Hugh was an excellent specimen. Past tense. Can I just start this post with my plant death count? I have five plants in my room, half of which are in various stages of death and dying, bringing my total number of plants killed to six-- two lost to spider mites, two to over-watering, one to replanting and one to the Forces that Control the Universe because I swear I didn't do anything wrong. But Hugh seemed hearty- that's why I bought him! And I wanted to give him a good home, so I put him in the window to get some quality morning light. I went to bed and when I woke up and opened the blinds, Hugh looked like this: actually, that's Hugh on the mend, originally he looked like an Orca Whale in captivity, flowers propped up on the ground for support. So here's Hugh looking like a mistreated SeaWorld resident and here's Ivan smacking her head and saying over and over "why, Hugh, why?!" But Ivan, always the optimist, thought "ok, window bad, lets put Hugh on the balcony" which got us to exhibit one. And then I put him indoors in a dark corner and that got me to exhibit two:
"Hugh the Sun Hating, Fluorescent Light Loving, Miracle Plant".
But who knows, by tomorrow all his leaves could fall off and he could sprout flesh eating fungi, he seems like that kind of plant. I'll keep you posted.

6 comments:

Simon said...

first my mother bought a cyclamen. then megan bought a cyclamen (may it rest in peace). then you bought a cyclamen (may it prosper). i want to be in the cyclamen club! i think my membership was revoked after bernadette... you know... (may she rest in peace). by the way, did you name your plant after a Borg?

Ivan said...

May all those other plants rest in peace. I want you to be in the cyclamen club too, then we can compare notes on how to keep them alive. Perhaps you can adopt your mother's? And maybe I did name it after a Borg. A super awesome Borg that's not part of the collective anymore. So what? (and Simon, stop being a blog dodger, asap!)

Simon said...

Soon, soon. Blame the cats.

I have no problem with a plant named Hugh. It just means you can't laugh at me when I name my next plant Commander Wililiam T. Riker. Where will I find a plant with a babyface, though?

Ivan said...

please please please name your next plant Riker! I will forever be on the lookout for one that meets your description... babyface... maybe there's some sort of flowering cabbage. If I find it, I will get it to you somehow.

Simon said...

if i ever meet jonathan frakes on the street, i'm definitely going to tell him how we considered the flowering cabbage to be his possible equivalent in vegetation. he'll be so proud.

.Maeve said...

if you ever meet jonathan frakes on the street, you should try to interest him in our script for the popular new sitcom, "Catullus!" maybe offer to name a plant after him in exchange for his participation.