Thursday, July 12, 2007

Around Town

Lately I have taken to walking around town at night. Kind of like Dickens used to walk through seedy parts of London at three in the morning. Only I do not have floofy hair, am not a man, and have not exhibited much literary genius since that mystery story with the oven cleaner, and this town isn’t big enough to have any habitually seedy parts, so it wasn’t actually like that at all.

On Monday the weather was cool and the air smelled like woodsmoke and flowers, and the pretty Victorian houses on Church Street shone yellow light from their windows onto their front gardens. Even the newer, boxier, uglier houses looked romantic, which is a sign I have been reading too much L. M. Montgomery.

True to my foolish human nature I thought it would be nice to keep it all, so on Tuesday I went out around 8:30 and tried to take pictures of it. Oh, what an awful idea.

First of all, I should no longer attempt to take pictures after dark without a tripod. It is not possible to stand still enough. Why I never think this will be a problem, I do not know.

Secondly, while this town may not have seedy parts, every picture I took has a distinctly creepy feel – the whole place is more or less empty at night and looks like a ghost town. An EVIL ghost town.

They suspected there was something living at the bottom of the falls, but it never came up to breathe.


Finally the townfolk passed a resolution to keep the road clear at night so they could carry their pitchforks to any house on Main Street unimpeded.


A portal to the underworld had opened somewhere in the girls’ A-wing locker room, but it went undiscovered because Kimmy always skipped gym.


Number 16 was the last thing he saw before the blow knocked him unconscious.


By the time the zombies reached West Main, they had learned how to climb over fences.


After two hours had passed and he hadn’t witnessed any crimes, he decided to commit one.


As a neighbor said recently, after hearing several unsavory stories about his other neighbors, "It ain't Mayberry anymore."

12 comments:

Ivan said...

i have my pitchfork in the garage. lets make some trouble.

Simon said...

...and then can we watch anne of green gables?

Ivan said...

sure, why not.

Katie said...

I want to make trouble with pitchforks, watch anne of green gables, and meet the infamous ivan! I think simon and ivan should roadtrip...

Matthew said...

These remind me heavily of "The Mysteries of Harris Burdick" and I like them. "No. 16" especially. Apparently when we need filming ideas, we just need to send you out with a camera for a few hours. Generally I think of the town at night as pretty and innocent while YOU thought evil and terrifying. This may be a first.

Simon said...

Apparently we share the "childhood memories" part of the brain because I was thinking of Harris Burdick when I took that picture.

Speaking of evil, have you spent much time down by the falls at night? Because there are bats down there. And they are not shy about flying at your head with their beep-beeping noises. It's a little creepy.

On second thought don't go down there because your initial instinct concerning bats is to interfere with their sonar and make them crash. When I said evil and creepy what I really meant was cute and fuzzy. I like bats. Stay away!

Simon said...

Apparently we share the "childhood memories" part of the brain because I was thinking of Harris Burdick when I took that picture.

Speaking of evil, have you spent much time down by the falls at night? Because there are bats down there. And they are not shy about flying at your head with their beep-beeping noises. It's a little creepy.

On second thought don't go down there because your initial instinct concerning bats is to interfere with their sonar and make them crash. When I said evil and creepy what I really meant was cute and fuzzy. I like bats. Stay away!

(I may be posting this twice. Blogger is being difficult.)

Christine said...

Wow, you live in the capital of the American Gothic. There has to be some dark, violent secret impatient to be found out. It was probably the small town doctor that did it...

Next time you visit, you MUST bring your Charles Dickens action figure.

Simon said...

I totally will. I might even get him his own seat since his literary genious will take up a lot of room. Also his hair.

Simon said...

I just spelled genius wrong. Don't tell.

Adam said...

Personally, I'm a big fan of the "portal to the underworld". This post also reminded me that I need to start taking more photos... and that I should stop avoiding my work by reading blogs.

Simon said...

Well, if you're GOING to avoid work, and if you are like me you know you are, reading blogs is a very effective method.