Thursday, March 19, 2009

Recommended Daily Dose

This is a 4.5 lb. bag of raisins. It expires in May 2009. Since I discovered it hiding at the back of my cupboard last month, I have been eating raisins in the morning, in the evening, as a side, for dessert, sometimes as a whole meal, and it still has 3.5 lbs. of raisins left. If you do not hear from me for several days, please break down the door of my apartment. Inside you will find one giant raisin, about 5' 2'', prone on the floor, blinking up at you. That will be me. Let us hope that however Willy Wonka handled Violet Beauregard will also work for me -- but if not, please call all of the tabloids. If I'm going to be a human raisin, I'd like to be a filthy rich one.


Ivan said...

There's a t-shirt I really like with a picture of an oatmeal cookie and the line "Stupid raisins, out of my cookie" to which i say "amen".

Please stop eating them. I worry about you.

Simon said...

The best thing ever is when you bite into an oatmeal raisin cookie and discover that the raisins are chocolate chips.

But on their own, I really like raisins. And the package doesn't lie. They ARE plump and juicy!

Ivan said...

no, GRAPES are plump and juicy. Raisins are their ugly older sister that spent too much time tanning in their youth.

Katie said...

Ivan, you would probably like golden raisins. They are like the rich and spoiled sibling of the normal raisin. I am snotty and pretty much only eat goldens now. They aren't sold in 4.5 pound bags though.