Thursday, January 07, 2010

An Inappropriate Use of . . . Something?

Last night I made dinner with some friends. The recipe called for crumbled-up bacon. (I assure you, it was an appropriate use of bacon, or I wouldn't have been party to it.) I guess we were trying to counteract the calorie-laden remainder of the ingredients, because we decided to use turkey bacon.

Here are three things that look more like real bacon than turkey bacon.

1. Bacon Strips Adhesive Bandages
2. The plastic bacon you served to your stuffed animals when you were a kid
3. Kevin Bacon

Please hold these images in your mind's eye when you look at this plate of cooked turkey bacon:

Yes. It looks like rubber.

Turkey bacon cannot technically be an Inappropriate Use of Bacon, because it isn't bacon, but I hereby declare it a Scandalously Inadequate Substitute for Bacon, which is just as bad.

It didn't seem to harm the recipe much, as it was smothered in cheese, which cures all ills, but I've been told it doesn't reheat well. And when a casserole doesn't reheat well, you know there's a problem. And that problem probably stems from a Scandalously Inadequate Substitute for Bacon. Be warned!


Matthew said...

Kevin Bacon = The MOST real bacon OF THEM ALL

Ivan said...

they look like snap bracelets.

Simon said...

Ivan: Agreed. And you wouldn't eat one of those, would you no you wouldn't.

Matt: Welcome back to Simon & Ivan! If you would like this post to make more sense, you should refer to these previous posts:

I reget to say that bacon has become something of a controversial theme here.

P.S. Kevin Bacon is also the MOST Appropriate Use of Bacon.

Matthew said...

Thank you for the catch-up! I shall have to peruse the archives further and continue commenting. It's as good a New Year's Resolution as ever I've had.

I wish we'd taken a photo of the turkey bacon PRE-cooking, too. Somehow it didn't look as bad under the bright florescents of Wegmans' bacon-case. But I swear it was partially gray, back home.

Simon said...

I really had no idea turkey bacon was going to be so weird. I thought that surely if other people ate it as a substitute for bacon, it must do a pretty good job of imitating bacon. Who knew?

Katie said...

Ivan is right. And I would argue that turkey bacon is not bacon, so it doesn't count. I would argue that it is also a WASTE of calories and that whatever you were making would have been MUCH improved with for real bacon. Every once in a while I contemplate buying it. Then I remember that it is just toying with my affections and that it will toss me asside and break my heart by the end of it all :(

I am also proud that you managed to get through this post without once mentioning my name.

I am also sad that no one told me that Wegman's had a dedicated bacon case...

Katie said...

Random comment: You guys (Simon & Ivan) need to put a search box on here so that we can find posts easily. Like when I needed to find the recipe for bacon cookies that I gave Ivan last year and I knew it was on your would be easier to find with a search box. Instead I had to go to google :( If you need help, Simon, let me know. I have one on my blog and it is very easy...I promise!
That is all.

Simon said...

I would LOVE a search box. Ivan and I looked into it and I think we thought it cost money. We are cheap. Please share your wisdom.

Katie said...

I have emailed with instructions :) It is free because Google owns Blogger and therefore we love them.