Mayonnaise: Surely One of the Least Attractive Foods

Yesterday I wanted a tuna sandwich. But my mayonnaise was expired. (It is almost always expired. Along with salad dressing, mustard, vegetable oil, shortening, and a surprising number of canned goods, I always have to check the expiration date of mayonnaise before I eat it.) You can't have a tuna sandwich without mayonnaise, not with the quality of tuna these days, so I decided to make it. I had oil. I had eggs. I had lemon juice. I had a recipe titled "Homemade mayonnaise without tears," which I assume was written specifically for me.

Somewhat incredibly, it turned out just fine. Mayonnaise is tricky (apparently) because if it doesn't emulsify properly, it separates into an unpleasant mixture of egg yolk and oil that nobody even wants to look at much less eat. I followed the instructions, however, and added the oil very slowly. Drop by drop. For half an hour. I am not completely sure it was worth half an hour to make mayonnaise when I could have just had peanut butter and jelly, but I am unemployed. I have time.

It tasted slightly too lemony in the end, but at least it tasted like lemony mayonnaise, rather than lemony egg-oil mixture. I was so proud of myself that I put the remainder in a container and saved it, even though I knew I was not going to use it before it went bad, since it goes bad within a couple of days when it's homemade.

I guess I was feeling proactive today, because I hauled it out of the fridge again to chuck it before it had a chance to get foul. And I discovered that even when it's still good, day-old mayonnaise does not appeal.

Blegh. Good thing I satisfied my tuna sandwich craving yesterday.