Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Things I've Been Wanting to Share With You All

So I spent some time in a foreign country working on a documentary for a MAD MAN. And I've been wanting to write about it, but I didn't want to get dooced. And then I realized that I WANTED to be dooced, so I figured I'd save everyone a lot of googling, and I quit and moved back to America... and now I can share with you "The Story of My Insane Former Boss and a Bridge in Italy". This is told through an email I sent to Simon with the subject line "forgot"

"forgot to tell you about yesterday when Brando was like "EYE VAN, you have time to walk to the car? I will tell you about the polar bear project." And I said sure and started to follow him out and he was like "wait, get a pencil", and handed me a script that I assumed I was going to write on. So I left my notebook and pen on the desk, found a pencil and went outside where he was like "wait, do you have money and a coat?". ummmm, to walk to the car? sure. So I go upstairs and grab my change purse which has like six Euro in it, and my umbrella. Now, mind you it's POURING outside and thundering and lightning and it's rush hour. So Brando has me get in the car and we start driving... and I realized he has a flight that he's late for-- so now I'm starting to panic that he's going to drag me out to Fumincino and leave me there with six euro, an umbrella and a pencil. And we're driving and he's telling me what to write for the script and he's not watching the road, he's watching what I'm writing, giving me notes like "lots of drama! brava!" and then looking at my paper-- my paper which is NOT the script he had me bring, but a random sticky note pad he found the the car, because he didn't want me to mess up the script with pencil marks. Why did I need the pencil? No one will ever know. But he's looking at my paper and going "write it-- write the word drama! ok, good, glad you write it". yes, I now have one full sticky note dedicated to the work "Drama!"

and you know how well I ride and read in the car. So i'm feeling like I'm going to puke, Brando is bombing through the streets of Trastevere, I have NO IDEA where I am-- I have no phone, no computer, no map, not enough money to get back from FCO if we end up there, and the rain is coming down in buckets. Finally we get to the end of the script, Brando pulls over at a bridge, says we're in Trastevere, tells me not to get the script wet and "Ciao, darling!". And there I am-- three miles from the office, no idea what sort of public transportation is around, thunder and lightning, with nothing but six euro, a pencil and what is essentially a lightning rod. And from there I walked back to the office.

and that was my day.

today he called and yelled at me when I didn't know what A4 paper was.

aren't you glad you're self employed?"

And that, my friends, was the tip of the insanity iceberg.


Simon said...

This ranks highly in my list of favorite e-mails. I was so amused I retold it to my family over dinner, and they thought it was hilarious. Then we all pitied you, though. When we were done laughing.

Ivan said...

yes, i once told that story to friends in a crowded wine bar. someone sitting behind us picked up the tab. I can only assume this is because they found me pathetic.

Simon said...

That makes the story even better.