Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Another sequence of events concerning salt.

1. I get up at an ungodly hour for an appointment the cardiologist made me make several weeks ago.

2. Doctor tells me I am totally fine, but I should lie down quickly in certain cases of nausea, pain, or grossitude, or I will probably faint.

3. I wonder why I got up at an ungodly hour, drove fifteen miles, and paid twenty dollars for a six-minute appointment in which I am being told something I have already learned through trial and error.

4. Doctor adds that I can have "all the salt in the world" including "pretzels, chips, whatever, load it on!"

5. I feel immensely satisfied with life, having just been issued a medical imperative to incorporate Cheetos to my daily diet.

6. I wonder what condition I can develop in order to be told that I am also required to ingest all the saturated fat and hydrogenated oil in the world, because otherwise I really only get to lick the salt off the Cheetos, not eat them.

7. I am sad.


Anonymous said...

When Frito-Lay creates a fat-free version of Cheetos, then you will be in food heaven.

As an aside, when looking up Cheetos in Wikipedia to make sure I was correct in thinking that Frito-Lay was the manufacturer, I learned a new word: interpunct, as in:
"Until the late 1990s-early 2000s, the brand name contained an interpunct (Chee·tos appeared on the packaging)."

I do now recall that form of the name, but, not being in the habit of perusing the snack food aisle much of late, I had forgotten all about that. I certainly never knew there was a word for that little jot between the syllables.

This is a slippery character (ha, ha), and hides out under multiple aliases: interpoint, middle dot, centered dot, centred dot, space dot and probably others as yet undiscoverd by the punctuation police.

I must find a way to incorporate that word into my conversations in the future.
"I say, wasn't the playwright's use of that interpunct in the 2nd act quite the stroke of genius? Totally unexpected, what." Said with a British accent, that sounds much more intelligent.

Simon and Ivan are not only entertaining, but educational as well!

As a further aside - is "Simon and Ivan" to be treated as singular or plural? Should the previous paragraph be - "Simon and Ivan is", rather than "are"?

Indeed, even the above question of plurality is itself called into question. Should the question have been worded: Are "Simon and Ivan"...?

Too many questions to contemplate. I think it must be time for a refreshing Chee·tos salt lick break.

Simon said...

INTERPUNCT is a great word. I do remember there being in the Cheetos name, now that you mention it, but apparently I didn't miss it when it disappeared. But NOW I do, since it was probably one of very few common uses of interpuncts outside of dictionaries. Now it will be much harder to casually bring interpuncts up in conversation because examples will not be lying around in plain sight.

As for the usage of "Simon and Ivan," I had not thought of this. I suppose it is plural if you are referring to the individuals both at once, and singular if you are referring to the whole S&I institution. Unless you are British, in which case you would use the plural all the time and also you would say "yogurt" wrong but that's unrelated.