Thursday, June 09, 2011

Great Giver of the Alpacas Keeps On Giving

My second issue of Alpacas Magazine has arrived. In this issue I learned about:

Attracting a barn-full to my farm event
It turns out that marketing in the alpaca industry is exactly like marketing in any other industry. Personally, I don't see why you would even need to market alpacas. If you just put up a sign that says HILARIOUS-LOOKING ANIMALS NEXT LEFT that would probably do it, right? Who wouldn't stop in?

Reinforcement in Applied Behavioral Analysis
The behavioral articles are always my favorite. Last time we learned about berserk alpacas. This time we learned how not to freak out alpacas so that they won't even come near you. Tip: don't lunge forward and hug them. They don't like that. In fact, nobody really likes that.

Sustainable Farming
"Can you make money out of your manure? You bet! Call it 'Pacapoo' and sell it to the local gardners and small farm producers." This name is a winner. I would totally do this. Apparently there are big bucks in poo.

Fiber as in alpaca fleece, not "how to make your alpaca eat bran muffins." The guy who came up with "Cotton: the fabric of our lives" has been enlisted to give a boost to the alpaca fiber industry. I am all for this, but I foresee one problem. Every single garment shown in the magazine is hideously ugly. There may be places where people would wear these things and not feel shame, but to reach the rest of the country I would recommend moving away from the colors of the seventies.

Bizarre(ly Effective) Advertising
Once again, there is some exemplary advertising, and I am not being funny about this. I genuinely love these ads and they would work on me if I were at leisure to purchase alpacas. Also, they happen to be very weird.

Joe Camel's cousin, Vinny Alpaca, with his bingo babe, Ginger. They always promise each other they won't blow their winnings on fresh blackberry brambles this time, but then they can't help themselves.

In some alternate universe, there's a statue of this in the Louvre, because the "farmer with an alpaca head" is a powerful, yet mysterious, figure in the ancient mythology of that world.

There was also an ad for a 3.5 million dollar alpaca ranch in Oregon. It had lovely gardens, mountain views, and of course alpacas. If they threw in a capybara and a maybe just a small paddock of unicorns, I would take out a loan.


Anonymous said...

Alpacas are amazing animals. Not only do they provide wonderful fur for clothes and manure for gardens, but also an endless supply of amusement.

I loved the farmer with the Alpaca head. Perhaps in that other universe it makes sense as you point out. In this universe, it is reminiscent of a 50s sci-fi film. Not sure whether I should shudder or giggle.

Simon said...

Yeah, he could easily come out of The Twilight Zone or the X-Files or something. I didn't think it was possible for alpacas to not be cute, but a farmer-body pretty much does it.