NARGH!

Narrator: Ivan has requested that Simon blog. Unfortunately Simon has a prior commitment to work on a certain thesis this afternoon and has been forced to hire the Vikings to do it instead. The Vikings, as mercenaries (mercenaries should not be confused with missionaries, as has been known to happen, because though both use fear to their advantage, mercenaries are deadly and if they ask you to tea, the correct answer is "AAAAUUGH!", while missionaries are merely bothersome, and it is verging on but not quite an appalling act of hypocrisy to eat their cookies and fail to convert)--to repeat, the Vikings, as mercenaries, are most familiar with war, pillaging, desecration, and, oddly enough, bathing. They understand doing something for money, but what they are being asked to do is slightly beyond them, and their behavior in this type of peaceful engagement is highly unpredictable. Thus, the special instructions which accompany this particular blog include reading it from a safe distance, armored with the proper protective gear, wearing a Babel Fish in your ear, and most importantly, suspending any accurate ideas you may have concerning history, sociology, or linguistics.

Vikings: NARGH! We are fierce! We are smarter than the Saxons! NARGH! And the French! NARGH! And we have cool names! Like Ivar the Boneless! NARGH IVAR NARGH! And Eric Bloodaxe! NARGH ERIC NARGH NARGH! Simon is paying us in gold Rollos! NARGH SIMON NARGH! We do not know what Rollos are! But some of us are named Rollo! NARGH EVERYONE NAMED ROLLO NARGH! Perhaps Simon will give us more Viking warriors! Viking warriors named Rollo made of gold! We love Simon! NARGH SIMON! We wonder what else Simon has made of gold! NARGH GOLD NARGH? We will look around Simon's room! Rollo is searching hastily and with little concern for the state of Simon's things! Rollo has found something gold! NARGH NARGH NARGH! What is it? It is round and has buttons stuck in it! Pretty pearly buttons! NARGH BUTTONS NARGH! There something stuck to it on a string! When Rollo pushes the pearly buttons, voices come out! NARGH VOICES! Rollo has ordered Chinese! NARGH ROLLO NARGH NARGH! We can't wait for the Chinese to come! We have never fought the Chinese! We hear they have strange armor! NARGH CULTURAL EXCHANGE NARGH! Simon's room is fun! We love Simon! NARGH SIMON NARGH! We're playing catch with Simon's TV! NARGH! NARGH! NARGH! We are the best mercenary bloggers ever! NARGH VIKINGS NARGH!