i'm not a morning person. mornings are the smoggy time for sleeping and watching new jennifer lopez and kelly clarkson videos. things that should not be done before 12:00pm include cooking, showering, replying to emails, getting out of bed and ironing. actually, ironing never needs to be done. if your place of employment has a cockroach problem, ten to one no one cares if your clothes are wrinkled. i broke one of my cardinal rules yesterday when i tried cooking breakfast. i accidentally set the microwave to 30 minutes instead of 3. if bacon can be reduced to a foul black paste in five minutes i wonder what happens if you cook a barbie on the "popcorn" setting? or your roommate's bobble-head collection? i told people at work about my awful morning and they laughed when i said "i burnt my bacon". i can't understand what's so funny. they would not laugh if they smelled it. it smlled like rotting dead people.
the mornings are getting progressively worse and it's only tuesday. i keep setting my alarm too loud because the radio's broken. when it went off at 7:30am it scared me so badly i tripped on the corner of my bed, cut my foot open and fell flat on my face. i screamed so loudly my landlord must think i slaughter small animals for breakfast... which i don't... that would involve cooking things before noon.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
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2 comments:
I've have the Folger's coffee song in my head since you posted that. But not the version sung by Rockapella, so it's less fun than you might think.
This is precisely why I am bringing a person with culinary confidence with me to visit you in LA. Rely on me to cook and you could potentially die of starvation or smoke inhalation.
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