Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Improved Flavor!

Narrator: A while ago I bought this tube of toothpaste that boasted an IMPROVED FLAVOR! It was so improved, in fact, that it basically burned holes in my mouth. Improvement in this case evidently involved making a perfectly good toothpaste 50% nitric acid. The plaque comes right off. So do your gums.

This fearful consequence was what I thought of the entire time I was fixing Simon and Ivan's blog. Am I flooding perfectly good HTML with the corrosive, flesh-eating code more or less made up by a completely incompetant imaginary figure? Will Simon and Ivan fire me and fill my vacant post with Osternet Webling, Famed Viking Webmaster of Old? Will I ever be able to make the background and text anything other than clashing shades of purple and green?

At any rate, the current color scheme has a little something for everyone. I noticed after finishing that it looks very Easter-y. That is very nice for people who like Easter, which constitutes maybe .01% of our prime demographic. For the rest of you, it also has a vaguely ice-cream-parlor look to it, and probably 100% of you like ice cream, discounting Simon whose lifelong disinterest in ice cream has always been a disappointment to family, friends, acquaintances, and any strangers who happen to hear of it. So I guess when I said "a little something for everyone", I meant we were catering to a probably nonexistant following of religious persons and persons who are particularly fond of vanilla ice cream with sprinkles, and have completely excluded Simon, who falls into neither of these categories, even though Simon is one of our most frequent contributors, loyal readers, and pays my salary.

And I'd like to extend a gracious welcome to my successor, Osternet Webling.

3 comments:

Simon and Ivan said...

there is a rumor going around that simon does indeed like ice cream, it just has to be mint chocolate chip and he has to eat a tuna roll first even if there are better options like sweet cream and lobster.

The Anonymous Hedgehog said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
The Anonymous Hedgehog said...

Simon is probably lactose intolerant as are all hedgehogs. If he has a little bit of mint chocolate chip now and then, it is in brave defiance of death! But nobody, not even a brave hedgehog, wants to risk death for sweet cream and lobster, because we all know lobsters are merely giant insects that have taken to the sea because they're too big to live under rocks and in tree bark like normal insects.

The Anonymous Hedgehog would also like to point out that you named your lobster in the car on the way home and then had to switch with your dad because you couldn't eat him after such a bonding experience. Better option, my foot.