Monday, March 28, 2005

no "do you like david bowie" is not an acceptable pickup line

i go to the grove to be alone. it is a place of many acceptable being alone activities. a place of reading, movies, food... a place where i can quietly make fun of the emaciated lady in the pink coat walking her whippet whom she managed to dress in a jean jacket trimmed with a faux fur collar. what a great place. so when i'm sitting in barnes and noble drinking coffee and reading the new series of unfortunate events book, i don't want to talk anyone. no, offense. even if alan cumming came up to me i would probably say "please leave me alone, 'the grim grotto' is just getting good".

alright, that's a lie. i would totally have a conversation with alan cumming. i would probably run away to scotland with him if he asked... but i would finish my chapter first! gotta have standards. so yes, there is an exception for alan, but not for the guy who initiated the following conversation:

guy: hi, i only have thirty seconds because my friends are waiting, but do you like david bowie? because my cousin is really into david bowie right now and i'm beginning to seriously doubt the people she's hanging out with.
me: no, i do not like david bowie.
guy: wow, what do you do? no, wait. let me guess. you're studying?
me: no
guy: you're a nurse. definitely a nurse.
me: no
guy: well, you're definitely from the midwest, right?
me: no
guy: well, let me read your palm... i bet you have a short love line.
me: no
guy: i see it. you turned your hand when you picked up that coffee. it's a short love line. real short. only two or three boyfriends, right?
me: no
guy: so my friends are real cool and we're only in la for the night. do you want to hang out?
me: no
guy: so can i have your email address?
me: no

a whole conversation where i revealed nothing about myself and acted like a bitch and this idiot is still talking! all i want to do is read! leave me alone! that or bring alan cumming to the table... he can read my love line any day.

1 comment:

Simon and Ivan said...

Ironically it is not unlike that scene in Emma where Alan Cumming tries to marry Emma and she is having none of it. Of course he isn't playing himself, or else she would've said yes and ruined the movie. That's probably why they committed those terrible crimes against his hair, to keep Emma and Mr. Elton apart. P.S. I can't believe he tried to read your palm.