Monday, March 07, 2005

sunny and 70 HAHAHAHAHAHA

well, the rain has stopped, the sun is shining and all the chapstick in my car has melted. who knew "new car smell" would mix so well with "skittles banana berry". now that temperatures are back in the 70's i can oficially post my "dude all of you that live in snowy places suck and i win" entry, because dude, lets face it, you guys are lame. sitting with your laptops to keep you warm. just move out here! you know you want to! i won't gloat too much, as we just survived another week of record-setting rainfall where my hair reached a new level of evil frizziness and my pants were again sopping wet. lets recap.

i went out with friends the day before my aunt's wine tasting party. the original plan was to drive out when the night ended. traffic is usually kickass at 3 in the morning. my aunt gave me specific instructions "call before you leave", but it was 3am... calling sounded like a bad idea. believe me when i tell you your aunt is just as paranoid as your mother, and she will lock the doors of her picture perfect house in her picture perfect suburban neighborhood if she doesn't think you're coming and you will have to drive another 40 wretched (but traffic free!) miles back to your apartment in the middle of the night. i made it back the next day for the wine tasting and realized i was the surprise babysitter of the night. i wasn't sold, but with the promise of no life guarding and as much wine as i wanted, i quickly warmed to the idea of a quiet night watching superbabies 2 with a quality reisling. the night would have been fine but for an evil evil evil ten-year-old who quickly taught the four-year-old how to say "fuck you" and then drew all over his face with a felt-tip marker. i found it ironic when sirens went off and he said "wow, sounds like juvenile hall". yes, child, you will know that sound well. second favorite quote "have you ever smoked a brisket?" to which my uncle replied "i've smoked a lot of things, but never a brisket..." realizing i overheard he added "um, please don't repeat that to my son". oh uncle, just wait... my brother is 3,000 miles away and the easiest person to corrupt is dear, dear cousin. i suppose i'll only tell if they stop feeding me gourmet meals.

in other news, it was raining in la, and as we all know, the rain makes traffic ever so horrendus in this pretty city, and as MGDub can attest, i have the worst road rage ever. i scream and bang my head against the wheel and pray to every god imaginable and i still get stuck in eight lanes of bumper to bumper bullshit. but this week i found the answer. cake. CAKE! CAKE! CAKE! no, not short skirt long jacket, but chocolate and buttercream! oh glorious cake! with cake on your side, you are immune to the terrors of the road! that woman driving the brand new hummer, drinking her decaf venti non-fat sugar free vanilla latte with her perfect southern california blond hair WHO WAS TOTALLY TAILGAITING THE WHOLE TIME, had no effect my mental state. The department of water and power truck that went 15mph up the canyon road... no problem. the fact that there was a mudslide on that same canyon road and little Friday had to climb it... just a pleasant adventure. oh cake, you are my special friend.

while traffic went slow, the work week went quickly. alas, i feel the need to comment on the new intern. the intern is a good intern. he dubs tapes well, he makes labels with a special flair, he's generally a good guy. the intern came up with the genius idea of bringing a keg to post. (we work with cockroaches, we deserve a keg, ok) the intern researched places to buy the keg, he's 21, he has money for the deposit BUT HE WON'T BUY THE KEG. he keeps saying, "tomorrow, tomorrow". i am beginning to think he's a fraud. intern- you are off the hook this week because you are drinking heavily in mexico, but next week you had better make good on your promise.

the reason the beer-free workplace is so lame is because i really needed to be intoxicated for the pat metheny concert I attended on friday. dear god. that man a) needs a makeover and b) needs to not play smarmy three hour concerts and proclaim at the end "I would love to tell you we played one song off our new album... BUT THAT WAS THE WHOLE ALBUM!" and the crowd almost peed their pants they were so excited. i seriously contemplated killing myself when my aunt leaned over and said "wow, isn't this the most amazing harmonica player you've ever heard". oh. my. god. so that's the news from lake wobegon, where are the women are strong, the men are good looking and all the poor, poor civilians are stuck in traffic.

1 comment:

Simon and Ivan said...

Your cruelty reveals everything. You are the Dread Pirate Ivan, admit it!

Um, you were right. I am lame.

P.S. The cake idea is brilliant.