because woman cannot live on cookies alone

i'm pretending to be a morning person. maybe someday i will join the ranks of the uber-healthy, early-risers; that special group of people who don't consider cookies and diet coke a real meal... but for now i am content to pretend. my new weekend sleep schedule leaves me totally alone and terribly alert in the wee hours of the morning so i've taken to hanging out with bonafide morning people while i run stairs at 6am. my other early morning activities include rollerblading, beaching, reading, reading, reading, watching tv, calling people on the east coast (my mother actually thinks i wake up this early) and ::drumroll please:: going to work. no, star trek was not the height of my dorkiness. i actually went into work this morning so i could play on the avid all by myself.

but i was not alone. an editor arrived shortly after i did and said he was going to seven-eleven for some breakfast. climbing stairs made me very hungry so i put in an order for "something substantial... i will accept a hot pocket or some cookies". i trusted the him to return with something edible. i knew there was trouble when he gave me back all my money and said "i went out on a limb, you don't have to pay for this". he handed me (very tenatively) a hot dog box. by now it was at least 10:30, so a hot dog was an odd, but totally acceptable purchase. when i opened the box, i was greeted not by an oscar meyer product, but by a giant turd. "it's a cheeseburger dog... i know. it looks like i scraped it out of the backyard". yes, editor friend, you managed to purchase something looking exactly like excrement. why? he stuttered for a bit and failed to find an acceptable answer, so i ate the thing. it had cheese whiz on the inside. a turd filled with processed cheese. who thought that was a good idea? i finished mine and looked at him, and keep in mind this is a 38-year-old bachelor who consumes fast food like its his job, and he looked back at me and rejected the burger/turd dog! after i ate the whole thing, he turned and threw his in the trash! i thought we were team! then he looked at me with a mix of awe and disgust. "your stomach must be stronger than mine," he said. and he's probably right. i spent a whole month of college eating nothing but ramen noodles and freeze pops. and this is the exact reason i am only pretending to be a morning person. cookies and diet coke will always be a meal to me and seven-eleven purchases are a welcome breakfast. long live the turd dog and down with 6am workouts.