a gaggle of goats

why must texans talk so slow? i understand by living in texas they've never been exposed to things like literature, history and cars without F-150 logos, but this is no excuse! if i can accelerate your voice to double it's normal speed and still hear you drawling along YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. on the east coast they call it a speech impediment. spit it out! t-t-today, junior! ARGH! i can speak to you freely about the evils of texas because the first episode of our kick-ass reality show premiered last week. what?! you didn't watch it?! how could you miss such an exciting television event?! you are no longer my friend! ...actually i forgot it was on too, but as of episode seven, i think i actually get a credit! do i want my name associated with a show that forced eight of its contestants milk goats? well, we all know how i feel about goats, so of course. you can't have reservations about a show with goats. and if you accelerate the sound of a goat to twice its normal speed it resembles a satanic munchkin on helium. what's not to like about that? it's better than the texans. satanic munchkin on downers. laaaaaattttteeeeerrrrr yyyyaaaaallllllllllll.