Monster Cookies

Tonight I am baking ginger cookies. Why? Because I have 3/4 of a jar of molasses to use. (See post on Guinness bread.) At a quarter-cup per batch, I estimate that I will still have this jar of molasses in 2011. It originally made its way into my home through Matt, who bought it so we could make gingerbread men a year and a half ago. But we did not get around to gingerbread men until last Christmas, at which point I believe Matt made the dough at home and therefore failed to use up my molasses for me. Which was actually his anyway.

What you are currently mistaking for a not very interesting story about molasses is actually the scintillating introduction to this post, which is about cookies; namely, the deformed and deranged cookies that my friends enjoy making at festive holiday get-togethers.

Back in December, I had the aforementioned friends over for a cookie-baking and -decorating party. There was much fellowship and good cheer, which somehow resulted in some seriously troubling cookies.

For example, this is an angel. On fire. Please don't fail to notice the cookie peeking into the frame on the right; it is wearing an egregious amount of makeup.

Left to right: Ghost of Christmas future, another cookie with fake eyelashes, and a cookie that appears to be desperately upset. You would be saying OMG too if your eyeball were that badly swollen.

This cookie is covered in a thick layer of green goo. More to the point, its leg seems to be bursting out of its chest for some reason.

Oh, dear. This cookie has had a smaller version of itself pop out of its stomach and make a terrible mess.

One of these cookies kidnaps women, holds them captive in his underground lair, and makes them sing. Yes, you're right, it's the one who's blushing.

One of these is an alien and the other is a DAMN FINE CAMEL if I do say so myself.

The enormous goose shown here has unfortunately contracted the pox, the plague, or something else wretched.

This cookie has had an accident.

This cookie has been MURDERED!

And this cookie, last but not least, vants-a to suck-a your blooooood.

For us, Christmas and Halloween are more or less interchangeable.