my new-found inability to sleep

hi, my name is ivan and i'm an insomniac. yes, i'm tired. no i cannot sleep. no i haven't had any caffeine. no, i haven't been taking speed. no, no cocaine either. i have eaten a crap load of red vines, but i doubt that has anything to do with sleep deprivation. i'm feeling rather mean. let me tell you what i'm going to do if i go another day without a few more hours of quality sleep. first off, i'm going to tell the night editor to fuck off and then tell him he makes me want to jam a pencil through my forehead and then i'm going to jam a pencil through his forehead. how's that for diversion. it's gonna be great. next, i'm going to adopt the cat that lives outside my apartment. the only thing that's been keeping me from doing this is the allergic roommate, the one who just announced he's moving out. wow, wait, this person has just proved himself inconsiderate and annoying. what's that you hear? purring? wow, it's nice to have animals in the house. you know what else makes me want to jam pencils through things. eggs. fried eggs. i can't flip them without breaking the yolk. anger. i feel anger. my cat is meowing. did i mention it's nice to have an animal in the apartment? it is. i can't think any more. there are more things that i want to be mean about, i just can't remember them. i'll address them tomorrow during all the hours i'm awake, not sleeping, not drinking caffeine, eating red vines, trying in vain to flip eggs and petting my cat.