Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Fishbelly Eyeballs

This is Oliver. Oliver is wearing the sweet shades my eyedoctor gave me so that I could cross the street with my pupils dilated, and not walk in front of a car. I much prefer this doctor to my old one, who made my pupils the size of saucers and evidently had no problem letting me get in my car on a glaringly bright day. (It's always a sunny day when I go to the eyedoctor.) I sat in the car for a whole hour before I could even bear to open my eyes. It was absurd. I related to my current doctor that light bothers my eyes a lot regardless of what has been done to my pupils and he said, "Well, you have no pigment!" Sigh. I have a cousin who used to refer to the undersides of her arms during the winter as "fishbelly." I guess I have fishbelly eyeballs. But let's keep that between you, me, and the internet, because it sounds like a truly horrifying and repulsive condition.

Incidentally, you may wonder whether this post really, really needed a picture of a stuffed bear wearing fake sunglasses. The answer is yes, because after cleaning my entire apartment, there wasn't a lot else to do that didn't require being able to see detail. I had originally intended to put the sunglasses on Heslington, but looking at him it occured to me that his eyes bulge out too far. Then I went into a bit of a panic because I think he might have a serious disorder.

I will have to take him across the street tomorrow and see what they say.


Anonymous said...

Oliver is a VERY COOL DUDE! The sunglasses definitely make the look - very laid back and supremely, but very casually, confident.

As soon as the paparazzi get wind of this, you will have to pose him in your window - sort of like the pope, ya' know - so he can wave to his admirers as they gather on the sidewalk below.

I like the hedgehog pillow, too. Suits him

Heslington - on the other hand - would seem to have a thyroid condition - poor fellow. Always destined to be cute and forever appear startled - but not cool.

Matthew said...

I was going to say I'm surprised that Oliver never made a bid for a starring role any of the times I raided stuff in your room, but then I realized he's obviously WAY too cool for "filming" and "projects" and stuff. I don't want to cramp his style.

Manchester...err-ehh .... Heslington is my fav. He's awesome. All posts should feature Heslington. But an eye exam may not be a bad idea.

Simon said...

I really enjoy the idea of posing Oliver in my window like the pope. I wonder if I can get a bear-sized mitre somewhere. I'm sure it would go well with the sunglasses. I always thought he always looked a lot like the bear from the Snuggle commercials, but I now realize he's much too badass for that role.

Heslington, it's true, is not quite so slick, but he makes up for it with sheer lovability. It's really quite impressive, considering that he is, after all, a doorstop.

Anonymous said...

It probably reflects badly on my circle of acquaintances, but I know a few people who would make good doorstops, too. And should consider taking up that occupation sooner rather than later.

Bear sized mitre - I will keep my eyes peeled for one (said with no intent to insult protruding eyeball challenged friends). Must be something on the internet that would suffice.

Perhaps Heslington could make a surprise appearance in the banner from time to time - eyes tipped longingly toward the sky... OK - back on the meds tomorrow for sure.